i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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