Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
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All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
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He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
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