he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
