Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
