We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
