in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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