I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
How naked do you want me to be?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
