i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
is it fun? or sober?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
