Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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