I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
