I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I need to calm my uterus...
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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