I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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