I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
