and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
