you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
You took a bar mat shot.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
