I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
