Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
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