Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
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found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
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I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
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