remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
