i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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