You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
