I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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