I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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