I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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