is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
