Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
