I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
