He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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