They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
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