The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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