Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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