i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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