Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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