last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
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