It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
