is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
