Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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