thus making me awesome and them whores
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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