i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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