Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
