Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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