she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
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Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
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Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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