hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
