NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
