i may or may not be watching the land before time
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
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