Screwed.edu
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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