it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
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