Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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