just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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