was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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