you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
