:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
