I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
