really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
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