Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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