Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
