I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex on a dog bed..
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
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