i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
