I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
