We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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