I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
