Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize
