How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
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