I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
