I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Randomize
