he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
