There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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