Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
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